Date

The word for today is DATE. DATE can mean many things, a small dark fruit that grows on a tree, a specific moment in time and space--the time when food will perish, someone will graduate, retire, get married, celebrate his or her birth. A DATE can refer to an appointment between two people, colleagues can have a lunch DATE, Barack and Michelle (our POTUS and FLOTUS) have DATE night. This is the kind of DATE I'm thinking of.

I had a DATE on Saturday night. I knew it was a DATE because the man, who is also a neighbor, kissed me on the cheek and said "I can kiss you because we are on a DATE." When we arrived at the restaurant for dinner he said, "this is our first DATE." We had taken long walks and gone to a baseball game together, but I guess those didn't qualify.

I've gone out to dinner with male friends on weekend nights, but it's been a long time since any one of them specifically called what we were doing a DATE. In fact, I'm more accustomed to my friend who makes it clear to me that we are not on a DATE, we are just two friends having dinner together. Even the men I've known who have been interested in getting physical, didn't want to use the word dating; they were even more emphatic about not using the word relationship.

I had fun on the DATE. The man I went out with isn't like most of the people I spend time with. He's pretty straightforward and uncomplicated; he doesn't analyze or overanalyze his emotions. He said right away, "I'm not looking for anything serious, I'm dating a lot of people."

So now I am challenged. Can I adhere to casual dating etiquette? Since I know I am not the only woman this man is dating, there are lots and lots of things that I will not do with him, there are lots of feelings that I will not let myself have. I can go out for dinner, I can go to a ball game, I can go sailing or hiking, I guess I can even have some fun. I hope we have another DATE.

On Sunday I had tickets to a concert. I had asked a friend, a man I do not DATE, to go with me. At first he accepted, but then he changed his mind. Sunday came and I did not have anyone to go to the concert with. I did not have a DATE. I asked a series of friends, but we've been having a cold spell here in Chicago and the idea of going to an outdoor evening concert did not appeal to anyone I approached.

Once again, I would have to go on a DATE with myself. I got in the car and drove to Ravinia, where the concert was being held. I tried to breathe deeply and make that small lump in my heart and throat go away. I didn't want to feel sorry for myself; I just wanted to go and enjoy the music. As I was about to enter the concert grounds the friend who'd cancelled on me called. He'd just received a call from another friend of his who was at the concert. "Call her," he urged me, "she said you should join her and her group of friends on the lawn."

I called the woman and navigated my way towards her party via cell phone instructions. Soon she said, "you're wearing sunglasses" to me over the phone, and I knew I'd found her on the Ravinia lawn. Her friends had gone to enter a drawing for indoor pavillion seats. They won and we packed up the food and blankets they'd set out on the lawn and took the seats of our good fortune.

I didn't have a DATE. I had the company of a warm and welcoming group of women. I had wonderful seats. I listened to Emmylou Harris, Shawn Colvin, Patti Griffin and Buddy Miller. I remembered listening to the music of the three female artists over the last 20 years, through a lot of heartbreak, loneliness and hope. I remembered that I once had the kind of female friendship that exists among the women I had just met. I looked at the faces of the women next to me and I saw closed-eye contentment, satisfied smiles, authentic tears. I was in the right place at the right time. It was a very different kind of DATE than the one I'd had the night before. But I was just as glad to be there.

Link: The artists performed this song as the encore last night. Here's a version they performed in Roanoke, VA.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5Rx6DcEly0