License

The word for today is LICENSE. To LICENSE is to give permission. You need a LICENSE to drive, to own a gun, to operate a tattoo parlor, practice medicine or law, get married or own a dog--but not a cat or a bird or a ferret, as far as I know. You do not need a license to have a child, or two, or three, or.....you get the idea. You do not need a LICENSE to run for public office. You do need a driver's LICENSE (or some other federally authorized photo id) to get on an airplane. This can be a problem if you get stopped by the police on the way to the airport and they take your LICENSE.

When I moved to Illinois just about four years ago, I held on to my Maine driver's LICENSE for as long as I could. I held on to a lot of things from Maine as long as I could. But my driver's LICENSE expired and I needed to get a new one in February 2006. Not so simple. Suffice it to say that I have had trouble keeping track of my paperwork in the past. I discovered that to obtain my new Illinois LICENSE I needed a Social Security card. I couldn't recall the last time I'd seen mine. I had lived as a fully privileged US citizen without one for years. A month before my LICENSE expired I went to the Social Security office to order a replacement card for "Amy Kurtz." Much to my surprise I was told that I did not exist. But I've been paying taxes under that name for years, I told the clerk, the IRS seems to think I exist. Well, we have no record of you, she replied, have you ever used another name? And then I realized, that when I got married in 1986, I had legally changed my name. I had agreed to take my husband's name and he agreed to wear a wedding ring. The logic in our agreement now completely eludes me.

But I've been using my maiden name for the last 18 years, I told the clerk. The IRS thinks I'm Amy Kurtz, my law school diploma says Amy Kurtz, all my paychecks, my bank accounts, my Maine driver's LICENSE, my lost US passport, my voter's registration card. You have to bring in your divorce decree she told me, then we can put in an application for a replacement card with a change of name.

I went home and looked through all my important papers. I found the divorce decree that had arrived in the Rural Route delivery box in Harpswell, Maine in the fall of 1989. I brought it back to the Social Security office. I can't accept this, the clerk told me, it is not a sealed copy from the court. In the eyes of the metaphorical eyes of the Social Security Administration I remained married. I could not believe that I was still unraveling the effects of a marriage that had ended in 1989, in what I have frequently referred to as one of my other lifetimes.

My marriage and my divorce took place in the borough of Manhattan in the City of New York. Through family I knew a practicing lawyer there who was kind enough to obtain a copy of my divorce decree with the proper court seal. At this point, my Maine driver's LICENSE was on the verge of expiring. I brought the document to the Evanston Social Security office, but it would take several more weeks before my replacement card would come in the mail. And, I could not get my new Illinois driver's LICENSE without the Social Security card. I entered the world of illegal behavior; I drove without a valid LICENSE.

I now have an Illinois driver's LICENSE. It doesn't expire until February 2011. I have a Social Security card with MY name on it. On the back of the card it says DO NOT CARRY IT WITH YOU. It does not say, except to the Department of Motor Vehicles when you are applying for your initial Illinois license or when you are applying for a job with the federal government (although you will need to have it in your physical possession on both these occasions). I have a sealed copy of my divorce decree and a sealed copy of my birth certificate. I am relatively certain that I exist. And if I ever have any doubts, I'm sure that Equifax, Experian and Transunion, as well as a host of security cameras and other surveillance devices, could provide some unsolicited confirmation. I am sure they have LICENSE to monitor me, though none of them ever asked permission.