AVOID

The word for today is AVOID. AVOID means to stay away from or to prevent from happening. There are so many things I try to AVOID. Actually, every time I do one thing, I am AVOIDING doing something else. I have tried to analyze AVOIDANCE over the last few days and I got myself so confused that I AVOIDED writing about it.

On Monday morning I did several things that I had been AVOIDING. I paid some bills, I went to City Hall to get my 2010 parking sticker, I requested a hearing to protest a snow emergency parking ticket, I called both the Maine Turnpike Authority and the Illinois Tollway Authority to clear up confusion about my EZ/I-PASS.

Usually I try to AVOID bureaucracy and authority, but on Monday morning I was on a roll. I faced my fears head on. Actually, I was AVOIDING the dire consequences of continued AVOIDANCE. If I did not get my parking sticker I would get more parking tickets; if I did not clear up the confusion with the turnpike authorities I would be zapped with fines and violations. My AVOIDANCE would cause more trouble--and more money--than it was worth.

Another thing that I AVOID is housework. Today for instance, I had a mess of dishes in my sink. Instead of doing my dishes, I went to my neighbor's and washed her dishes. More than a week ago I told someone that I would throw away all the rotten food (old soymilk and chicken broth containers and spaghetti sauce jars, etc.) in my refrigerator. One night I washed out a few containers, decided I'd done enough and AVOIDED the rest. If I AVOID opening the refrigerator I won't even see what I'm AVOIDING.

The problem with AVOIDANCE, as I've alluded to above, is that it never really works. If I never clean out my fridge, eventually it will get so stuffed with rotten food that the door won't close and my apartment will begin to stink. If I don't open my mail or don't pay my bills or don't answer my phone, there will just be more to deal with when I do.

I went to the movies with a friend this weekend, someone who engages in similar AVOIDANCE behaviors. I don't really think of myself as a grown up, he told me. I don't think of myself as a man, I'm just a guy. But you own a condo and have a daughter in college, I reminded him, you're not giving yourself enough credit.

There are some things we can't AVOID. Whether my friend thinks of himself as a grown up or not, he is. Whether I AVOID my responsibilities in this organized society or not, I still have them. When I want friendships and relationships to go away, when I want to AVOID people, places and things, they are still there.

I spend a lot of time with animals. And, I spend a lot of time with other people who spend a lot of time with animals. Some of these animal people don't like other people very much. They would prefer to AVOID people and just be with animals. There are lots of women I know who would prefer to AVOID relationships with men, because they are just too much trouble.

Everyone who knows me or who reads my blog knows how much I love animals, and yet I know that if I did not allow people-- men, women, children, friends, colleagues, family members, lovers, neighbors into my life there would be a huge void. Because sometimes AVOIDANCE creates A VOID or makes the one that's there even bigger.

I'm making a commitment to fill my void; I'm making a commitment to AVOID AVOIDANCE; I'm making a commitment to engage with myself and with others in my life. YIKES! Maybe that's why I didn't want to write about AVOID.